You carry it all because you’ve had to.

You struggle to rest because stillness feels unsafe. You’ve been in survival mode for so long that rest feels unfamiliar, even dangerous.

You may resonate with:  Doing it all, saying “I’m fine,” and only resting when your body crashes. Or perhaps believing “if I don’t handle it, no one will.”

Survival responses such as hyper-independence are common among people with complex trauma, especially those who grew up in environments where their needs weren’t consistently met. Growing up in an environment with sporadic or inconsistent care, contributes to the nervous system operating in chronic states of  hypervigilance (sympathetic activation), that, according to Polyvagal Theory, can become normalized over time. In his book,  My Grandmother’s Hands, Resmaa Menakem discusses how trauma in the bodies of Black Americans can manifest as over-responsibility and hyper-vigilance.

Support Practices: Grounding + nervous system safety (e.g. weighted self-hold or restorative yoga); Somatic Guide for Nervous System Regulation

You were taught to earn your worth through doing.

Rest triggers guilt because somewhere along the way, you internalized the idea that you have to prove you deserve peace.

You may resonate with:  Productivity guilt, emotional labor, people-pleasing. Or feelings as though “I have to prove I deserve peace.”

Many of us operate in a society that values performance and perfection, often where internalized capitalism teaches that self-worth is tied to productivity. Racialized gender expectations imposes high demands on women of color to perform emotional labor, excel despite obstacles, and suppress their own needs. Dr. Thema Bryant, a trauma psychologist, minister, and author of Thriving in the Wake of Trauma: A Multicultural Guide, regularly writes and speaks on the connection between unworthiness, overworking, and spiritual disconnection for Black women.

Support Practices:  Inner child healing to affirm your enoughness; seek out things that bring you joy.

Stillness brings up too much.

When you slow down, unprocessed emotions come to the surface and that feels overwhelming. So you stay in motion to avoid feeling.

You may resonate with: Overworking, emotional numbing, difficulty naming feelings.

Somatic psychology supports the idea that unresolved emotions resurface when the body slows down, triggering anxiety or shutdown. And that shutdown keeps the body from processing through important parts of completing stress cycles, keeping us feeling stuck in patterns of numbing and suppressing. In the popular book, The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk notes that many trauma survivors live in a state of disconnection from emotional and physical sensations. Trauma-informed care recognizes emotional avoidant patterns like these as a protective response. Unlearning these patterns involves helping the body feel safe and protected enough to respond differently.

Support Practices: Gentle somatic tracking + breathwork to process safely; Walking meditation where you can practice mindfulness while engaged in light movement.

You carry the weight of everyone else’s needs

You feel responsible for everyone else’s well-being, often at the expense of your own. Rest feels selfish even though you’re depleted.

You may resonate with: Feeling responsible for everyone else, caretaking, boundary struggles, perfectionism

The “eldest daughter syndrome” or tropes like the “strong Black woman” place immense pressure on women of color to serve others first. Codependency and enmeshment often develop when boundary-setting is discouraged or punished in early relationships. And in abusive relationships where gaslighting, silent treatment, or other controlling tactics are used, women may have developed or reinforces feelings of guilt associate with taking care of themselves. Feminist theory often critiques the systemic expectation that women be emotional laborers for society. Dr. Raquel Martin, a leader in Black mental health and liberation psychology, started the Burn The Cape Movement with a mission to empower Black women to embrace rest, reclaim their freedom, and honor their humanity.

Support Practices: Boundary-setting practice visualization, self-compassion practice; exploring the mother wound or Mother Hunger.